| | Recently I went to a friends birthday party and proceeded to get drunker than i've been in a very long time. I ended staying up ALL night, way past everyone else, and documented most of the night with various tweets at different times. Some make sense, and others don't. It all eventually led up to my startling revelation that my hero, Billy Mays, had passed away. Let's start at the beginning.
This is early on, where i've probably only had a beer or so. Pretty much nothing going on yet, i just quoted a funny line I remembered from The Hangover.
By rape drinks, i mean mixed drinks where the mixer to alcohol proportion is way off kilter, resulting in a firery drink that ends with some fruity aftertaste. However, I was still together enough to spell correctly.
This was a few hours later, and clearly I was building up to the apex of my drunkeness. I have a vague idea that I was trying to call someone, but why and how, and what exactly "gone" means is utterly confusing to me now.
This is the height of the night. I don't remember AT ALL what I was trying to say here. I'm still fucking mystified as to what the fuck this could possibly mean.
I only know what this means, because it's something i've done in the past. Nearly everytime I get wasted, I always end up texting or tweeting the phrase "I'm in china". It's a tradition i've started since one night I passed out while watching conan, and he was talking about china I think. I checked my twitter the next day, and laughed my ass off. I've continued doing this ever since, and in a way, "I'm in china" is just code for "I'm fucked up beyond all reason right now".
First, look at the time difference between the last tweet, and this one. I have no idea what happened in those 4-5 hours. I could have killed someone. No fucking clue. Other than that though, its clear that this is the climax of my drunkeness.
This is self explanatory.
By this point, every comfy seat, every couch and every bed was taken in the house. The bed I was supposed to sleep in was taken by some folks who passed out and I didn't have the heart to kick them out. Since the heat was so thick, I ended up laying outside, on the deck, on the dog bed, which was the last soft thing in the house. It was not the highest moment in my life, but it is damn hilarious.
After getting 30 minutes of sleep on a dog bed,I decided I was above that shit, and found a table chair to fit my head under, and used a small blanket as a cushion, while I thought about the missing hours of my night. One thought came to me, about how I announced one of my secret failsafe-fuck-it-all life plans, should I decide to abandon everything and everyone I care about. Basically, I just copy the plot of the show "Breaking Bad", in it's entirety, only without a bitchy pregnant wife to stifle me.
At this point, I was sobering up, and also becoming hung over. Also, every bump and bruise I hadn't been feeling, was now being felt. My body was slowly starting to ache horribly all over, and I still had goddamn nowhere to fuckin' lay down.
I think I started listening to The Who. Maybe. I have no other explanation for this one.
Self explanatory.
Again, self explanatory. Only i'd wake up a few hours later, to discover that Billy Mays did not wake up that morning. Which led to...
The whole goddamn weekend was pretty epic, and contrasting with how shitty the next day was, really made my life seem like some kind of fucked up Brett Easton Ellis novel, if only for 48 hours.
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| | Posted 7/3/2009 6:37 AM - 17 Views - 6 eProps - 3 comments
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